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I recommend omitting the narrativization entirely. You can, however, be oddly specific about the examples of circumstances where each body function is used. To distinguish this from what you're doing now, I recommend placing the physiological description first in the sentence, and the broad example afterward. You can also provide specific details of organism preferences, such as favorite foods (for the species as a whole, or even differing favorite foods among individuals) and quirky behaviors. These would, in a sense, "humanize" the organism by making it easy to imagine individuals of the species in particular scenarios.

In addition, you can use somewhat dramatic phrasing of scientific facts.
For example:

Plain: "Nixies are a crepescular species."
Elaborated: "Being vulnerable to desiccating sunlight, but having poor night vision, Nixies are crepescular."
Dramatic: "Individuals are typically crepescular, as those that venture out in the heat of the day dry up and die, and those that venture out at night are all but blind in the darkness, making them easy prey for predators."

QUOTE (Coolsteph @ Oct 14 2022, 03:33 AM)

I recommend omitting the narrativization entirely. You can, however, be oddly specific about the examples of circumstances where each body function is used. To distinguish this from what you're doing now, I recommend placing the physiological description first in the sentence, and the broad example afterward. You can also provide specific details of organism preferences, such as favorite foods (for the species as a whole, or even differing favorite foods among individuals) and quirky behaviors. These would, in a sense, "humanize" the organism by making it easy to imagine individuals of the species in particular scenarios. In addition, you can use somewhat dramatic phrasing of scientific facts. For example: Plain: "Nixies are a crepescular species." Elaborated: "Being vulnerable to desiccating sunlight, but having poor night vision, Nixies are crepescular." Dramatic: "Individuals are typically crepescular, as those that venture out in the heat of the day dry up and die, and those that venture out at night are all but blind in the darkness, making them easy prey for predators."

Thanks for the advice. I've updated the description
edit: updated the annotation order to reflect the new description

This post has been edited by Jarlaxle: Oct 16 2022, 07:45 PM

Approval Checklist:
Art:
Art Present?:y
Art clear?:y
Gen number?:y
All limbs shown?:y
Reasonably Comparable to Ancestor?:y
Realistic additions?:y

Name:
Binomial Taxonomic Name?:y
Creator?:y

Ancestor:
Listed?:y
What changes?:
External?: more squat. gill exit covers prevent dissication,
Internal?: photosensitive skin of ancestor now used to better detect imagery on land as a second retina in its middle eye, tail ganglia increase, advancement in its gill system with gulping entry and olfactory sac dictating safety of water, pronounced stomach and digestive aid "pancreatic livers", a partition in the gut now creates a loop for smoother food processing.
Behavioral/Mental?: amphibious in lifestyle, active during twilight hours, females hold onto their eggs and males releasing milt for fertilization (milt is not stated)
Are Changes Realistic?: YES. LOOK AT THAT GUT.
New Genus Needed?: yes

Habitat: WE ASSUMING COAST AND MANGAL SAME YES?
Type?: 2
Flavor?: 2
Connected?: y
Wildcard?:

Size:
Same as Ancestor?: n
Within range?: y (island giantism)
Exception?:

Support:
Same as Ancestor?: n
Does It Fit Habitat?:y
Reasonable changes (if any)?:y elaborated
Other?:

Diet:
Same as Ancestor?: Y? It makes specification of filterfeeder for the larvae which is stated in ancestral description but not listed in ancestral diet, and scavenger is listed before carnivore meaning no change occurred.
Transition Rule?:
Reasonable changes (if any)?:

Respiration:
Same as Ancestor?: n (but actually yes)
Does It Fit Habitat?: y
Reasonable changes (if any)?: y elaborated
Other?:

Thermoregulation:
Same as Ancestor?:n
Does It Fit Habitat?:y
Reasonable changes (if any)?:y elaborated
Other?:

Reproduction:
Same as Ancestor?:n
Does It Fit Habitat?:y
Reasonable changes (if any)?:y, loss of open spawning and distinction of what kind of egg females produce)
Other?:

Description:
Length?: decent
Capitalized correctly?: Y?
Replace/Split from ancestor?: split
Other?:

"are likely take a bite"
could say are likely to take a bite

But the concept still passes



Opinion: Approved,

gorgeous internal supplemental image.

Fixed.

APPROVED

Seconded approval.