edited once more
sorry if theres still mistakes im not the best at writing
sorry if theres still mistakes im not the best at writing
Name: Leviathan
(Leviathan)
Diet: Carnivor: Galeone Lyngbakr, Reapermaw Hafgufa, Midnight Filtersquid , Lauernder Lyngbakr
Size: 5 Meters - Unknown
Biome: Abyssal Zone, Twilight Zone,
Twilight Floor, Midnight Zone, Midnight floor
Ancestor: Twilight Echofin
Reproduction: Asexual 1 Gender
Sound: (here I will add the audio)
Features
The skin is very thick and strong and elastic they have no flesh inside of the body they are just skin bone and organs the Body is Hollow and Filled with Water with that they can survive the pressure down there they always sucks water in their body filter the Oxygen and then let the water out they does that to keep the body inflated.
They have developed a Gene where allow them to grown with no limit.
They Leviathan have developed a new organ to make stronger Echo for that he can “see” farther than the Twilight Echofin.
The Leviathan have a strong stomach acid because of that they have lost their Darm and they now spit the Digested Pulp out
Hunting and Social Interaction
Leviathans are actual very social and they are able to hunt together if needed but most of the time they are alone in the dark depths and swim around and eat other creature.
Reproduction
Leviathans have developed a organ in that organ they produce eggs and sperm.
If 2 Leviathans cross their way the inject each other Sperms then booth of them release a hormone where makes that the eggs will hatch then they will swim outside of the Leviathan and begin their Journey into the abyssal floor where they baby leviathans hunt.
The baby Leviathans have a grow boost in the first 4 months they will reach in that time 20-30 meters and then left the abyssal floor to the twilight zone .
The Size of a newborn leviathan is 5 meters long 2 meters wide .
If a leviathan dies they will before they dies release they own sperms in their eggs and release a special hormone where makes that the eggs hatch and then they will eat the body of the Leviathan.
(Leviathan)
Diet: Carnivor: Galeone Lyngbakr, Reapermaw Hafgufa, Midnight Filtersquid , Lauernder Lyngbakr
Size: 5 Meters - Unknown
Biome: Abyssal Zone, Twilight Zone,
Twilight Floor, Midnight Zone, Midnight floor
Ancestor: Twilight Echofin
Reproduction: Asexual 1 Gender
Sound: (here I will add the audio)
Features
The skin is very thick and strong and elastic they have no flesh inside of the body they are just skin bone and organs the Body is Hollow and Filled with Water with that they can survive the pressure down there they always sucks water in their body filter the Oxygen and then let the water out they does that to keep the body inflated.
They have developed a Gene where allow them to grown with no limit.
They Leviathan have developed a new organ to make stronger Echo for that he can “see” farther than the Twilight Echofin.
The Leviathan have a strong stomach acid because of that they have lost their Darm and they now spit the Digested Pulp out
Hunting and Social Interaction
Leviathans are actual very social and they are able to hunt together if needed but most of the time they are alone in the dark depths and swim around and eat other creature.
Reproduction
Leviathans have developed a organ in that organ they produce eggs and sperm.
If 2 Leviathans cross their way the inject each other Sperms then booth of them release a hormone where makes that the eggs will hatch then they will swim outside of the Leviathan and begin their Journey into the abyssal floor where they baby leviathans hunt.
The baby Leviathans have a grow boost in the first 4 months they will reach in that time 20-30 meters and then left the abyssal floor to the twilight zone .
The Size of a newborn leviathan is 5 meters long 2 meters wide .
If a leviathan dies they will before they dies release they own sperms in their eggs and release a special hormone where makes that the eggs hatch and then they will eat the body of the Leviathan.
To post an image on the forum you upload it to a hosting site or discord and copy the url, then go to the forum and when you are making or Full Editing a comment you should see this:
Click the button and paste the url in the popup
Click the button and paste the url in the popup
@Slipte, there are a lot of problems on the image, template, sentence, paragraph, and conceptual level, including typos, puzzling word and phrasing use, and errors in capitalization, punctuation, and formatting. Using Microsoft Office or LibreOffice could allow you to catch some errors, as would using Grammarly. (There's a free option.)
Since I need to help an influx of new members, some of which need a lot of help, there’s a limit to how much feedback I can reasonably give to any one entry submission. Therefore, you'll need to fix most of the problems yourself, or try again with something simpler, before I grant feedback on your entry submission. If you choose to start with something simpler, which I really recommend, I recommend the following list of easy-to-draw flora.
Try looking at the compendium for clarity on how descriptions should look.
---
@KiwiPistola15, given your level of English proficiency, I really do think it would be better to start with a simpler organism that’s easier to write about. But, since you seem to believe you can handle it nonetheless, I’ll direct you to certain classes of problems which need correction, and you can see for yourself whether you ought to start with something simpler. Keep in mind that with the influx of new members who’ve had trouble with making their first submissions, there are limits on how much help I can grant you specifically per submission. Try looking at the compendium for samples of how to write descriptions.
Art
1. While that leg shape is technically possible, it would surely be impractical as a weight-bearing posture. It looks like it’s crouching. Its toes are separated from each other, like one is a dewclaw. While a possible anatomical development, its foot structure consequently looks too flimsy to hold the weight of a 1.8 m long, 1.5 cm tall creature. Imagine a human with legs bent like they’re sitting on an imaginary chair, except they must balance their weight on only the balls of the foot. That would be uncomfortable. Now imagine something even bigger in body size. Generally, the bigger an animal gets, the straighter its legs become. Squirrels’ legs are more curved than elephant legs, for example.
Language Use
1. Capitalization errors (pointed out before, which you did not respond to): “Jaguar”, “Carnivore”, “Parents”, “The”. I will count the capitalization of the second word in the scientific name as a capitalization error.
2. “Paardavogel” in the diet ends with a period. “Scavanger” [sic] ends with a period.
3. Typos: “Scavanger” “wich” (x3)”eyestrills” (it’s “eyestrils”, like “nostrils”), “life’s”, etc.
4. Word misuse: “preys” (you’re using it as a verb, not a noun), “into the prey’s neck” (when you meant “onto”) [……]“his” (for most instances, this is not appropriate, while for one instance, it is semi-coherent but odd), “got a better vision”.
Conventions & Customs:
1. Size: if it’s above 100 cm, it’s 1 m. Therefore, it’s 1.8 cm long, 1.5 cm tall.
Other:
The paragraphs are all blurred together, and need to be separated. Subparagraphs for related sections, however, are acceptable.
--
@DemonicTigerBr and @demon7sword, do you intend to finish your entry submissions? Technically, there's not a time limit on entry submissions, but it's been a while with no responses to feedback.
--
@mayith, while some errors remain in your entry submission, and MNIDJM should have waited to admit you to the team until those were corrected, you have nonetheless been admitted. (See January 29 post from MNIDJM on Page 10) Given this is a topic for entry submissions for new members, no further feedback is needed now for your Sun-Eyed Phlock. When Generation A167 opens, re-submit it in the forum, and I will provide further feedback.
Since I need to help an influx of new members, some of which need a lot of help, there’s a limit to how much feedback I can reasonably give to any one entry submission. Therefore, you'll need to fix most of the problems yourself, or try again with something simpler, before I grant feedback on your entry submission. If you choose to start with something simpler, which I really recommend, I recommend the following list of easy-to-draw flora.
Try looking at the compendium for clarity on how descriptions should look.
---
@KiwiPistola15, given your level of English proficiency, I really do think it would be better to start with a simpler organism that’s easier to write about. But, since you seem to believe you can handle it nonetheless, I’ll direct you to certain classes of problems which need correction, and you can see for yourself whether you ought to start with something simpler. Keep in mind that with the influx of new members who’ve had trouble with making their first submissions, there are limits on how much help I can grant you specifically per submission. Try looking at the compendium for samples of how to write descriptions.
Art
1. While that leg shape is technically possible, it would surely be impractical as a weight-bearing posture. It looks like it’s crouching. Its toes are separated from each other, like one is a dewclaw. While a possible anatomical development, its foot structure consequently looks too flimsy to hold the weight of a 1.8 m long, 1.5 cm tall creature. Imagine a human with legs bent like they’re sitting on an imaginary chair, except they must balance their weight on only the balls of the foot. That would be uncomfortable. Now imagine something even bigger in body size. Generally, the bigger an animal gets, the straighter its legs become. Squirrels’ legs are more curved than elephant legs, for example.
Language Use
1. Capitalization errors (pointed out before, which you did not respond to): “Jaguar”, “Carnivore”, “Parents”, “The”. I will count the capitalization of the second word in the scientific name as a capitalization error.
2. “Paardavogel” in the diet ends with a period. “Scavanger” [sic] ends with a period.
3. Typos: “Scavanger” “wich” (x3)”eyestrills” (it’s “eyestrils”, like “nostrils”), “life’s”, etc.
4. Word misuse: “preys” (you’re using it as a verb, not a noun), “into the prey’s neck” (when you meant “onto”) [……]“his” (for most instances, this is not appropriate, while for one instance, it is semi-coherent but odd), “got a better vision”.
Conventions & Customs:
1. Size: if it’s above 100 cm, it’s 1 m. Therefore, it’s 1.8 cm long, 1.5 cm tall.
Other:
The paragraphs are all blurred together, and need to be separated. Subparagraphs for related sections, however, are acceptable.
--
@DemonicTigerBr and @demon7sword, do you intend to finish your entry submissions? Technically, there's not a time limit on entry submissions, but it's been a while with no responses to feedback.
--
@mayith, while some errors remain in your entry submission, and MNIDJM should have waited to admit you to the team until those were corrected, you have nonetheless been admitted. (See January 29 post from MNIDJM on Page 10) Given this is a topic for entry submissions for new members, no further feedback is needed now for your Sun-Eyed Phlock. When Generation A167 opens, re-submit it in the forum, and I will provide further feedback.
@Coolsteph thanks for the feeddback i just have submitted it because i wanted to see if it is ready or not i will improve it thanks
KiwiPistola15, there a few more minor details but I believe you’ve demonstrated sufficient knowledge of our rules and formatting to be allowed on the team.
@KiwiPistola15 Welcome to the Sagan 4 Alpha Team! Please repost your submission in the Organism Submission subforum when Gen 167 opens up, or post it in The Hold while we wait
@KiwiPistola15 Welcome to the Sagan 4 Alpha Team! Please repost your submission in the Organism Submission subforum when Gen 167 opens up, or post it in The Hold while we wait
Phenagouti (Sagmaticavia phenamimus)
Creator: FaunaComplete
Ancestor: Okagouti
Habitat: Drake Boreal, Drake Temperate Woodland
Size: 65 cm long
Diet: Herbivore (Pioneeroots, Marbleflora), Frugivore (Qupe Tree fruit, Lurspire fruit), Graminivore (Forest Quone nuts), Photosynthesis
Respiration: Active (Lungs)
Thermoregulation: Endotherm
Support: Endoskeleton (Jointed Wood)
Reproduction: Sexual, Live Birth, Two Sexes
The Phenagouti splits from its ancestor, the Okagouti. This species evolved with longer legs and a longer body in order to achieve greater speed for migration. It developed a neck and its ears are smaller. like its ancestor, it is losing the shield that served to defend it from predators and for photosynthesis. Its loses a part of the green coloration.
It feeds for small flora as Pioneeroots and Marbleflora; and fallen fruit. Like as its ancestors the Phenagouti only gets a part of its energy with photosynthesis; primary getting its energy from the food that it consumes,. This species live in herds for move to other places and search for food. As in its ancestor, the female gives birth to many offspring. Its light-sensing in the snout enables him to detect predator and search for food.
Hello @FaunaComplete! This is a very good first submission, though the description is a little short. Might I suggest adding details about its behavior? Eg. does it live alone or in herds, parental care, etc
| QUOTE (Disgustedorite @ Apr 1 2023, 01:37 PM) |
| Hello @FaunaComplete! This is a very good first submission, though the description is a little short. Might I suggest adding details about its behavior? Eg. does it live alone or in herds, parental care, etc |
Yes
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