"The reason for this of their mildly venomous bite - the poison does not involve fangs and is instead produced by the salivary glands - which has recently evolved. "
I think the statement within the emdashes (hyphens, in this case) would be better if separated and put after the first statement, outside the emdashes.
""Rooted" Are the shapes inside the body root-like, or is it simply anchored in the skin?
"When done in mass" You meant "en masse", a French expression. (https://brians.wsu.edu/2016/05/24/in-mass/)
"They eagerly await" Is this excess anthropomorphization, or does their behavior, such as moving about rapidly, suggest eagerness enough to justify this characterization? Can they even think of the future and past to the extent it can eagerly await the return of warm weather? Does a squirrel shivering in the cold of winter think, "Gosh, I hope spring arrives soon", or just "It sure is cold", if it has particular thoughts about its environment at all? I think a dog wagging its tail and doing a play bow and barking in a melodious manner can be described as "eager", but I'm unsure whether a roly-poly meandering somewhat quickly to a watermelon rind can be called "eager". I don't know whether this organism is closer to a dog or a roly-poly in its level of emotional complexity.
"if they wish to survive" Are there some that don't want to survive? That phrasing suggests the possibility.
The artwork is very pretty, but also grotesque. I like the shading and use of color.
This post has been edited by Coolsteph: May 29 2021, 11:03 AM
I think the statement within the emdashes (hyphens, in this case) would be better if separated and put after the first statement, outside the emdashes.
""Rooted" Are the shapes inside the body root-like, or is it simply anchored in the skin?
"When done in mass" You meant "en masse", a French expression. (https://brians.wsu.edu/2016/05/24/in-mass/)
"They eagerly await" Is this excess anthropomorphization, or does their behavior, such as moving about rapidly, suggest eagerness enough to justify this characterization? Can they even think of the future and past to the extent it can eagerly await the return of warm weather? Does a squirrel shivering in the cold of winter think, "Gosh, I hope spring arrives soon", or just "It sure is cold", if it has particular thoughts about its environment at all? I think a dog wagging its tail and doing a play bow and barking in a melodious manner can be described as "eager", but I'm unsure whether a roly-poly meandering somewhat quickly to a watermelon rind can be called "eager". I don't know whether this organism is closer to a dog or a roly-poly in its level of emotional complexity.
"if they wish to survive" Are there some that don't want to survive? That phrasing suggests the possibility.
The artwork is very pretty, but also grotesque. I like the shading and use of color.
This post has been edited by Coolsteph: May 29 2021, 11:03 AM
I've made the edits as per your recommendations. By the way, are you planning on taking part in the newest Prime Specimen?
Yes, I do plan on taking part in the latest Prime Specimen. I'd like to finish my long-delayed Beta timeline diorama entry first, if that contest is still going for lack of entries.
Does the name need to be changed? The Beta timeline has the Shearwyrm and its descendant, the Vicewyrm. "Wyrm", unlike "worm", is harder to excuse as an inevitable coincidence.
| QUOTE (Coolsteph @ Jul 6 2021, 12:29 AM) |
| Does the name need to be changed? The Beta timeline has the Shearwyrm and its descendant, the Vicewyrm. "Wyrm", unlike "worm", is harder to excuse as an inevitable coincidence. |
I disagree on it needing to by changed, wyerms fit a serpentine creature like this. Plus was the name directly inspired by those guys? If not, then its a case of coincidence.
I was about to do a checklist, but then I noticed something. I don't know how, but I think you managed to misinterpret the ancestor even though you created that too. The ancestor appears to have a toothy mouth between the two plates (and other descendants reflect this), which are instead placed like a two-part helmet here.
I reduced the size of the fangs because I felt that, given the size of its current prey, they didn't require such large fangs to hunt them. I'll edit the description to reflect that.
This post has been edited by Nergali: Jul 6 2021, 03:22 AM
This post has been edited by Nergali: Jul 6 2021, 03:22 AM
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