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I like the design, and there really haven't been that many huge saucebacks. Given how big they are, I'm curious how they interact with Bludblugs and Cleaner Ukneuks, or whether or not they'd spread them as well.

"The tail has also elongated to serve as a counter balance," "to house a larger gut", "to help clip off" (and other examples): I recommend not using purpose-oriented phrasing. (see this Wikipedia article) As Disgustedorite pointed out for the Barkback, octopi are weird for modifying their RNA in a way that seems directed see here), but as a general rule, purpose-oriented descriptions can lead people astray.

"faceplant" is an informal word. I recommend "fall flat on its face" or "stumble repeatedly".

"Cardicracker's are" Cardicrackers are.

I like its shape and coloration.

This post has been edited by Coolsteph: May 29 2021, 10:45 AM

QUOTE (Coolsteph @ May 29 2021, 02:44 PM)

"The tail has also elongated to serve as a counter balance," "to house a larger gut", "to help clip off" (and other examples): I recommend not using purpose-oriented phrasing. (see this Wikipedia article) As Disgustedorite pointed out for the Barkback, octopi are weird for modifying their RNA in a way that seems directed see here), but as a general rule, purpose-oriented descriptions can lead people astray. "faceplant" is an informal word. I recommend "fall flat on its face" or "stumble repeatedly". "Cardicracker's are" Cardicrackers are. I like its shape and coloration.

Alright, how should I fix the phrasing then?

Made the two grammar edits you suggested.

Thanks! I wanted to help if blend in with its environment but also not just have the patterns of a giraffe copy and pasted onto it. I think i found a decent middle ground with it's design.

I recommend phrasing like, "Its [feature] helps/ it [do specific thing]", or "its [physical feature] makes it well-equipped for [specific thing]".

QUOTE (Coolsteph @ May 30 2021, 01:46 AM)

I recommend phrasing like, "Its [feature] helps/ it [do specific thing]", or "its [physical feature] makes it well-equipped for [specific thing]".

Alright, I made some edits to try fixing it, do give your opinions on it!

Approval Checklist:
Art:
Art Present?: Y
Art clear?: Y
Gen number?: Y
All limbs shown?: Y
Reasonably Comparable to Ancestor?: Y
Realistic additions?: Y

Name:
Binomial Taxonomic Name?: Y
Creator?: Y

Ancestor:
Listed?: Y
What changes?:

• External?: Larger size, thicker limbs, different coloration, chest feathers, blunt mandibles
• Internal?: Longer body cavity, iguanodont-like teeth
• Behavioral/Mental?: No longer a predator, less social

Are Changes Realistic?: Y

New Genus Needed?: Y (already done)

Habitat:
Type?: 2/2 (Tropical and Montane)
Flavor?: 2/3 (Grassland and Scrubland)
Connected?: Y
Wildcard?: N/A

Size:
Same as Ancestor?: N (larger)
Within range?: Y (uses exception)
Exception?: Y ("No competition" clause)

Support:
Same as Ancestor?: Y
Reasonable changes (if any)?: N/A
Other?: N/A

Diet:
Same as Ancestor?: N
Transition Rule?: am I just supposed to say whether it follows it (it does) or
Reasonable changes (if any)?: Y

Respiration:
Same as Ancestor?: Y
Does It Fit Habitat?: Y
Reasonable changes (if any)?: N/A
Other?: N/A

Thermoregulation:
Same as Ancestor?: Y
Does It Fit Habitat?: Y
Reasonable changes (if any)?: N/A
Other?: N/A

Reproduction:
Same as Ancestor?: Y
Does It Fit Habitat?: Y
Reasonable changes (if any)?: N/A
Other?: N/A

Description:
Length?: Good
Capitalized correctly?: Y
Replace/Split from ancestor?: Y (split)
Other?: N/A

Status: Approved

Added the support bit.
I actually think the reproduction bit fits this particular species perfectly. Remember, these directly evolved from a species that was only a quarter of their size. Plus this was not exactly a slow transition to larger size either, this was a relatively rapid change due to a vacant niche. Think of the Cardicrackers' reproduction being akin to the digits of the Barkbuck. I imagine in possible descendants of the Cardicracker they will probably produce more developed offspring, but for the Cardicracker the more under developed young are a product of its evolution. Does that help clear things up?

yeah, approved