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Excellent! I'll continue my half when you give me the all clear. Thanks again.

I like its colorful, gangly, bobbleheaded look.

"their outline." Its outline.
does the line along the neck, tail, and belly simply demarcate changes in coloration in those areas, or does it suggest actual wrinkles or creases? The fact the golden color extends below the wavy line on its belly suggests it's an actual crease, particularly because the crase is unevenly aligne with the neck underside's coloration.

"victim" These are predatory fauna, not murderers. "Prey" is appropriate.

What is the function of those lines on the spikes? Does it suggest the spike structure spills over the midline of the back, and it defines distance, like putting a line over the top part of a snout with a front-on view of a long-snouted animal? Is it an actual stripe?

"its more[...]ancestors" This mixes up pronouns.
"Pursuit.The". Minor spacing error.
"their face" "their eyes" "their body weight" Pronoun error. Since this recurs so much, I recommend inspecting "their" and "its" in your descriptions, at least until I set up a grammar guide.
"their edge" Their edges, you mean?


Hello, Rhinobot. I haven't seen you in a while.

QUOTE (Coolsteph @ Aug 20 2022, 10:47 PM)

I like its colorful, gangly, bobbleheaded look. "their outline." Its outline. does the line along the neck, tail, and belly simply demarcate changes in coloration in those areas, or does it suggest actual wrinkles or creases? The fact the golden color extends below the wavy line on its belly suggests it's an actual crease, particularly because the crase is unevenly aligne with the neck underside's coloration. "victim" These are predatory fauna, not murderers. "Prey" is appropriate. What is the function of those lines on the spikes? Does it suggest the spike structure spills over the midline of the back, and it defines distance, like putting a line over the top part of a snout with a front-on view of a long-snouted animal? Is it an actual stripe? "its more[...]ancestors" This mixes up pronouns. "Pursuit.The". Minor spacing error. "their face" "their eyes" "their body weight" Pronoun error. Since this recurs so much, I recommend inspecting "their" and "its" in your descriptions, at least until I set up a grammar guide. "their edge" Their edges, you mean? Hello, Rhinobot. I haven't seen you in a while.

Made most of the grammatical edits you suggested, though I think the "their body weight" works well for that particular sentence so i decided to keep that one.

It is indeed a crease along their bodies. It's something i do in all carpozoans, unless the filaments are so thick that they would be hidden from view.


If your talking about the horizontal lines, those actually show that the "blade" of those osteoderms are much thinner than the "base". You can see it in the direct ancestor and its other descendant.


If your talking about the vertical line on the seventh osteoderm though, that is merely an line that did not get erased properly.

QUOTE (Coolsteph @ Aug 20 2022, 06:47 PM)

Hello, Rhinobot. I haven't seen you in a while.

Hi. Yeah, I took I break for some time, but I'm getting back into it.

Approval Checklist:
Art:
Art Present?: y
Art clear?: y
Gen number?: y
All limbs shown?: y
Reasonably Comparable to Ancestor?: y
Realistic additions?: y

Name:
Binomial Taxonomic Name?: y
Creator?: y

Ancestor:
Listed?: y
What changes?: shrank in size, more yellow and spotted, larger jaw muscles stronger bite, serrated teeth, pit nest building, scavenger, mesotherm
[*]External?: y
[*]Internal?: y
[*]Behavioral/Mental?: y
[/LIST]Are Changes Realistic?: y
New Genus Needed?: y, serrated teeth

Habitat:
Type?: 3
Flavor?: 2
Connected?: y
Wildcard?:

Size:
Same as Ancestor?: n
Within range?: y
Exception?: n/a

Support:
Same as Ancestor?: n
Reasonable changes (if any)?: y, elaboration
Other?: n/a

Diet:
Same as Ancestor?: n
Transition Rule?: y
Reasonable changes (if any)?: y

Respiration:
Same as Ancestor?: y
Does It Fit Habitat?: y
Reasonable changes (if any)?: -n/a
Other?: n/a

Thermoregulation:
Same as Ancestor?: n
Does It Fit Habitat?: y
Reasonable changes (if any)?: y
Other?: mesotherm

Reproduction:
Same as Ancestor?: y
Does It Fit Habitat?: y
Reasonable changes (if any)?: n/a
Other?: n/a

Description:
Length?: good
Capitalized correctly?: y
Replace/Split from ancestor?: replaced in region
Other?: "To better blend in to more open habitats, the Spotted Drakeflune has a more yellowish hide to better blend in with the brown and golden soil " can be worded better



Opinion: approved

Agreed