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While it is certainly a good one, and the image is quite nice too, I don’t think a poem is considered an acceptable form of primary description. At the least there should be a debriefing or summary on it that’s clearer if you really want to keep the poem (though I don’t know how that would fly regardless)
Overall this is a good looking submission though!

This whole batch of submissions is the most radical group of submissions I’ve ever seen in the 16 years of this project. All of it had different flavors of boundary pushing, and I mean that in the best way possible. I don’t think I can accept all of these departures from standard but the ambition alone is admirable

@[@Oofle]

QUOTE

While it is certainly a good one, and the image is quite nice too, I don’t think a poem is considered an acceptable form of primary description. At the least there should be a debriefing or summary on it that’s clearer if you really want to keep the poem (though I don’t know how that would fly regardless)

The poem should definitely be kept. Removing it would just be stifling creativity.
If we must have a more standard description, I think a summary or alternate description in a more traditional format after the poem would suffice.


The sauce position of this organism is weird, although I think the anterior sclerite arranement is really cool.

Are the white parts feathered or bare skin?

QUOTE (MNIDJM @ Sep 25 2022, 02:38 AM)

This whole batch of submissions is the most radical group of submissions I’ve ever seen in the 16 years of this project. All of it had different flavors of boundary pushing, and I mean that in the best way possible. I don’t think I can accept all of these departures from standard but the ambition alone is admirable

I appriciate that. I've updated it with Oofle & Cubes idea of a more formal summary in the end.

QUOTE (Cube67 @ Sep 25 2022, 12:26 PM)

@[@Oofle] QUOTE   While it is certainly a good one, and the image is quite nice too, I don’t think a poem is considered an acceptable form of primary description. At the least there should be a debriefing or summary on it that’s clearer if you really want to keep the poem (though I don’t know how that would fly regardless) The poem should definitely be kept. Removing it would just be stifling creativity. If we must have a more standard description, I think a summary or alternate description in a more traditional format after the poem would suffice. The sauce position of this organism is weird, although I think the anterior sclerite arranement is really cool. Are the white parts feathered or bare skin?

The white parts are bristle feathers. of my saucebacks the only image I can think of that shows bare skin is the larva stage of the visorbill.

A lot of organisms have been posted while I was very busy with other things. I don't have time to thoroughly go over them all at the moment, so I'll just do a quick check of the most obvious things.

Personally, I think the poem should be added after the description in a sort of "textual gallery" for the organism, whether directly (with a read-more) or by a link to an attached page. However, given there was a pretty long narrative excerpt for the Larlap, I suppose there's some precedent for nonscientific textual portrayals in a desription. If you want to have the poem before the description, I recommend including a four-line excerpt from the full poem, and putting the rest after the description.

You seem to mean "sentimental bait".

The 3 ranges and 3 flavors should be pointed out elsewhere, not in the habitat listing.

The juvenile seems to be drawn in a drastically different style from the main sample. I recommend putting the art for the juvenile in supplementary art if you don't want to re-draw it.

Make sure you split the paragraphs. It's okay to have half-paragraphs, but it looks unsuitable when the entire description is a mega-paragraph.

The "&" should be an "and".

QUOTE (Coolsteph @ Sep 27 2022, 12:02 AM)

The 3 ranges and 3 flavors should be pointed out elsewhere, not in the habitat listing.

To clarify, everything between curly brackets {} in any of my submissions, like the explanation for the genus names, the placement in sagan's habitat system or comments regarding size rules, is for the convenience of the submission only, and maybe for posterity in the Compendium, but not for the actual wiki entry.

Regarding the art style, I understand where you are coming from but I think of it as one of the same design language, simply using softer curves to convey vulnerability of the juveniles and hard lines to convey the hardened muscular brutishness of the adult. You'd have similar differences if you drew a human baby next to an athletic adult.

Regarding the poem, I would like keeping some of it but I am not that attached to it - it was fun making it to the tune of Les Misérables Master of The House - but I am more interested in how it feels to the reader and whether it conveys a strong mental image of the creature. Would you be able to evolve something from it using only the information in the poem?

scavenged a bit of the imagery from the poem, I think this description should do.

Approval Checklist:
Art:
Art Present?:y
Art clear?:y
Gen number?:y
All limbs shown?:y
Reasonably Comparable to Ancestor?:y
Realistic additions?:y

Name:
Binomial Taxonomic Name?:y
Creator?:y

Ancestor:
Listed?:
What changes?:
External?: large forward pointed horn along dorsal side that aids in stealing carcasses and prying or breaking armor on food. more complex feather display for mating, eye spots have arranged more toward rear (with a Haida people reference I appreciate), offspring have quills. thickened protected body to prevent attacks from doing much harm.
Internal?: greater muscular control over feather movement.
Behavioral/Mental?: more lazily approach food to steal due to being very tough.
Are Changes Realistic?: Y, look at that haida art.
New Genus Needed?: n

Habitat:
Type?: 3
Flavor?:3
Connected?: y
Wildcard?:

Size:
Same as Ancestor?: n
Within range?:y
Exception?:

Support:
Same as Ancestor?: y
Does It Fit Habitat?: y
Reasonable changes (if any)?:
Other?:

Diet:
Same as Ancestor?: n (but yes kinda)
Transition Rule?: y
Reasonable changes (if any)?: added kleptoparasite

Respiration:
Same as Ancestor?: y
Does It Fit Habitat?:y
Reasonable changes (if any)?:
Other?:

Thermoregulation:
Same as Ancestor?:y
Does It Fit Habitat?:y
Reasonable changes (if any)?:
Other?:

Reproduction:
Same as Ancestor?:y
Does It Fit Habitat?:y
Reasonable changes (if any)?:
Other?:

Description:
Length?: good
Capitalized correctly?: Y?
Replace/Split from ancestor?: replaced in range
Other?:

Opinion: Approved

I like this.

This post has been edited by colddigger: Nov 9 2022, 08:52 PM

Seconded.