Sun-Eyed Phlock (Solisogon Ramphastocervusi)
Creator: Mayith
Ancestor: Rainforest Phlock
Habitat: Barlowe Subtropical Woodland
Size: 3.5 m
Diet: Herbivore (Quhft, Tubeplage, Ferries), Photosynthesis
Respiration: Active (Lungs)
Thermoregulation: Endotherm
Support: Endoskeleton (Jointed Wood)
Reproduction: Sexual, Live Birth, Two Sexes
the Sun-Eyed Phlock split from its ancestor to live in the Barlowe Subtropical Woodland for easier navigation due to the tall trees in the rainforest, Their legs grew taller and thinner, helping them evade predators which are not fooled by its wings. Like its ancestor, it is a sprinter but its more agile. They flare their wings which have an eye-like marking and chatter their beaks making a sort of loud continuous bang to scare smaller predators. There's a sex difference in males and females, in which the females have duller colours and a smaller cranial adornment the males have a large cranial adornment and flashier colours and a tail pouch which the females are lacking. The females have thicker limbs and a thicker body, this is to help them carry the weight of their young while pregnant and also to help fend off predators. They are way more aggresive than the males. Males use their tail pouch in their mating dance by inflating it flaring their wings and dancing hypnotically.
Please remove the paragraph spaces in the template. I know that's how it appears on the template topic, and since it seems a lot of new members are getting led astray by it, it'll be fixed.
You'll need to capitalize the beginnings of words in the template.
The diet should be formatted as: "Herbivore (Quhft, Tubeplage), Photosynthesis"
Since it's a plent, list "wooden bones".
1 meter is 100 cm, so, for concision's sake, use "3.5 m".
I wonder why you put brackets in your organism description? In any case, Sagan 4 submission descriptions don't use brackets.
They can flare their wings, yes, although depending on the size of the predator, it probably wouldn't work.
"for more agility": this suggests intentionality or purpose in evolution, which is deceptive. Certainly, evolutionary pressures can lead to particular, even predictable developments, but Sagan 4 organisms are made with a naturalistic idea. "Airplanes are light for flying" conveys something different from "Sparrows are light for flying".
The sentences need more commas, especially in the last sentence.
The art is good, but you'll need to portray all the legs and wings. It seems there was some leftover text from when you inserted the image, too.
@KXDino8,
Since we’re receiving an unusual number of new members lately, we might lose track of your entry submission. You can alert us by making a feedback request in this topic, sending messages to us individually, or perhaps “pinging” (using the @ option) us in your original post.
You’ll still need to add the image.
You’ll need to capitalize the reproductive methods and “Barlowe Temperate Woodland”, as well as the first word in the scientific name. (Consider: Tyrannosaurus rex)
Remember, the “animals” here are called “fauna”, since they’re not actually in the kingdom Animalia. You’ll need to correct that. Try making a checklist of feedback and working on that if you can’t keep the corrections in your head.
It’s still unclear how the webbed tail helps with digging.
How would the sails aid in cooling or heating up? They spend the day in burrows, which are generally of a stable temperature compared to above the ground, and they only come out at night. The sail structures might be useful for cooling down were it a large creature in a tropical rainforest, but it’s a temperate rainforest, which is cooler. Depending on how big the tunnels are, the sails might interfere with tunneling.
On an unrelated note, I recommend getting an avatar, so you have a “face” for the community to look at.
“Small family group”: you meant “small family groups”. Using spellcheck on a word processor, like Microsoft Word or LibreOffice, might help you.
Are you sure the burrow has a corkscrew shape? That would be architecturally difficult. A spiral shape makes more sense.
For the final version of the submission, please omit the parenthetical statement about the pale purple color.
You'll need to capitalize the beginnings of words in the template.
The diet should be formatted as: "Herbivore (Quhft, Tubeplage), Photosynthesis"
Since it's a plent, list "wooden bones".
1 meter is 100 cm, so, for concision's sake, use "3.5 m".
I wonder why you put brackets in your organism description? In any case, Sagan 4 submission descriptions don't use brackets.
They can flare their wings, yes, although depending on the size of the predator, it probably wouldn't work.
"for more agility": this suggests intentionality or purpose in evolution, which is deceptive. Certainly, evolutionary pressures can lead to particular, even predictable developments, but Sagan 4 organisms are made with a naturalistic idea. "Airplanes are light for flying" conveys something different from "Sparrows are light for flying".
The sentences need more commas, especially in the last sentence.
The art is good, but you'll need to portray all the legs and wings. It seems there was some leftover text from when you inserted the image, too.
@KXDino8,
Since we’re receiving an unusual number of new members lately, we might lose track of your entry submission. You can alert us by making a feedback request in this topic, sending messages to us individually, or perhaps “pinging” (using the @ option) us in your original post.
You’ll still need to add the image.
You’ll need to capitalize the reproductive methods and “Barlowe Temperate Woodland”, as well as the first word in the scientific name. (Consider: Tyrannosaurus rex)
Remember, the “animals” here are called “fauna”, since they’re not actually in the kingdom Animalia. You’ll need to correct that. Try making a checklist of feedback and working on that if you can’t keep the corrections in your head.
It’s still unclear how the webbed tail helps with digging.
How would the sails aid in cooling or heating up? They spend the day in burrows, which are generally of a stable temperature compared to above the ground, and they only come out at night. The sail structures might be useful for cooling down were it a large creature in a tropical rainforest, but it’s a temperate rainforest, which is cooler. Depending on how big the tunnels are, the sails might interfere with tunneling.
On an unrelated note, I recommend getting an avatar, so you have a “face” for the community to look at.
“Small family group”: you meant “small family groups”. Using spellcheck on a word processor, like Microsoft Word or LibreOffice, might help you.
Are you sure the burrow has a corkscrew shape? That would be architecturally difficult. A spiral shape makes more sense.
For the final version of the submission, please omit the parenthetical statement about the pale purple color.
Side views with just one leg from each pair visible like this aren't technically disallowed. They're clearly bilateral.
Support would actually be Endoskeleton (Jointed Wood)
Support would actually be Endoskeleton (Jointed Wood)
| QUOTE (Disgustedorite @ Jan 27 2023, 05:37 PM) |
| Side views with just one leg from each pair visible like this aren't technically disallowed. They're clearly bilateral. Support would actually be Endoskeleton (Jointed Wood) |
Disgustedorite, we both know about the effect of anatomical misinterpretations in Sagan 4's history. It would prevent the hassle of fixing misunderstandings later to make the other legs visible, especially since, in this organism's case, the other legs would surely be visible because of its leg shapes and proportions.
Very well. Though, ideally the people reviewing species should know enough about plents to catch it if someone accidentally turns this into a gyrosprinter.
@mayith, I know you mentioned adding more after rendering being difficult; can you still add the other two legs on a layer beneath the rest, though?
@mayith, I know you mentioned adding more after rendering being difficult; can you still add the other two legs on a layer beneath the rest, though?
I really like the sun-eyed phlock art, the coloration and head shape is fantastic.
But yes, as someone who has found one sided diagrams to be a confusing barrier in understanding some spec works (i.e. I am still not a 100% sure how to read Phatanum B skeletons), I can vouch for the need to include all limbs. Otherwise you could never be sure when someone's species entry has DarwinIV'd itself.
Also hello & welcome to all the new members
This post has been edited by Jarlaxle: Jan 27 2023, 05:08 PM
But yes, as someone who has found one sided diagrams to be a confusing barrier in understanding some spec works (i.e. I am still not a 100% sure how to read Phatanum B skeletons), I can vouch for the need to include all limbs. Otherwise you could never be sure when someone's species entry has DarwinIV'd itself.
Also hello & welcome to all the new members
This post has been edited by Jarlaxle: Jan 27 2023, 05:08 PM
@mayith:
You’ll need to capitalize the names in the template: specifically, the common name, ancestor name, and habitat.
At the top of the template, in the common-names line, don’t put in “common name”, but the common name itself.
I’m pretty sure umlauts don’t appear in scientific names. Not everyone knows how to type in an umlaut.
There needs to be a paragraph break between the end of the template and the start of thee description.
I see that you revised “for more agility”, but the rephrasing has the same problem. “Their legs grew taller and thinner, helping them evade predators” would be better. “To live mainly” has the same problem. You can say, “and lives mainly”.
Unless there’s an expectation predators would be fooled by its wings, there’s no reason to point them out.
“wings.Like” This needs a space after the period.
“Chattering”: Chatter.
“Male and females”: Males and females.
“There is a[…]” needs commas.
“Head crown” is one word. “Head display” or “cranial adornment” does feel less awkward, though.
“The males usually”: This sentence needs commas, as well as a period at the end.
I recommend brushing up on how to use “[verb]-ing”.
The rainforest would logically be full of trees and undergrowth. Having legs that long might actually hinder its navigation, because there are so many tripping hazards. This is especially true because it’s so huge. Proportionately, the legs are longer than a marsh deer’s, although a better comparison of a rainforest-dwelling ungulate is the okapi, whose legs are proportionately shorter and thicker.
Barlowe Subtropical Woodland, an adjacent habitat, is likely to be better-suited. (It’s adjacent on the upper-right of the Barlowe Tropical Rainforest habitat.) It would be reasonable to extend its range to Barlowe Chaparral, too: its very long legs would be well-suited for a relatively open and grassy environment. I’d also recommend marshes, were they any on Barlowe. (Realistically, there would be some; I suppose you could use Barlowe Tropical Beach to suggest small marshy areas) An easier, if somewhat sloppier solution is to make it much smaller, though retaining its proportionately very long legs, and mentioning it lives on the edges of the environment, where it's easier to navigate.
The word “pouch” does suggest something like a kangaroo pouch, but you’re going for something more like the dewlap on a lizard here, so “dewlap” or “flap of skin” would be better.
@KXDino8:
It is the convention here to put the common name on its own in the common name line in the template, without using “common name”.
“Plant stalks” The flora on Sagan 4 are not part of the kingdom Plantae, so they aren’t technically plants. Therefore, we call them “flora”. The easiest solution is to use “stalks”.
Pink is a weirdly conspicuous color for it to have in this habitat. It doesn’t blend in with anything. I suppose it would sort of blend in with dried dead or dormant purpleflora, which is at least sometimes pinkish (this was decided recently), but in the rainforest, dead flora would likely not get fully dried up and turn pinkish.
The easiest solution is to make it some shade of dark ruddy-red, brown (e.g., to blend in with Barnline trunks), purple, or black (to blend in with local blackflora). Of course, you could always make it have a more complicated color pattern than a solid color of each, such as having countershading or spots.
@demon7sword, are there any updates on your entry submission? Updates are needed.
You’ll need to capitalize the names in the template: specifically, the common name, ancestor name, and habitat.
At the top of the template, in the common-names line, don’t put in “common name”, but the common name itself.
I’m pretty sure umlauts don’t appear in scientific names. Not everyone knows how to type in an umlaut.
There needs to be a paragraph break between the end of the template and the start of thee description.
I see that you revised “for more agility”, but the rephrasing has the same problem. “Their legs grew taller and thinner, helping them evade predators” would be better. “To live mainly” has the same problem. You can say, “and lives mainly”.
Unless there’s an expectation predators would be fooled by its wings, there’s no reason to point them out.
“wings.Like” This needs a space after the period.
“Chattering”: Chatter.
“Male and females”: Males and females.
“There is a[…]” needs commas.
“Head crown” is one word. “Head display” or “cranial adornment” does feel less awkward, though.
“The males usually”: This sentence needs commas, as well as a period at the end.
I recommend brushing up on how to use “[verb]-ing”.
The rainforest would logically be full of trees and undergrowth. Having legs that long might actually hinder its navigation, because there are so many tripping hazards. This is especially true because it’s so huge. Proportionately, the legs are longer than a marsh deer’s, although a better comparison of a rainforest-dwelling ungulate is the okapi, whose legs are proportionately shorter and thicker.
Barlowe Subtropical Woodland, an adjacent habitat, is likely to be better-suited. (It’s adjacent on the upper-right of the Barlowe Tropical Rainforest habitat.) It would be reasonable to extend its range to Barlowe Chaparral, too: its very long legs would be well-suited for a relatively open and grassy environment. I’d also recommend marshes, were they any on Barlowe. (Realistically, there would be some; I suppose you could use Barlowe Tropical Beach to suggest small marshy areas) An easier, if somewhat sloppier solution is to make it much smaller, though retaining its proportionately very long legs, and mentioning it lives on the edges of the environment, where it's easier to navigate.
The word “pouch” does suggest something like a kangaroo pouch, but you’re going for something more like the dewlap on a lizard here, so “dewlap” or “flap of skin” would be better.
@KXDino8:
It is the convention here to put the common name on its own in the common name line in the template, without using “common name”.
“Plant stalks” The flora on Sagan 4 are not part of the kingdom Plantae, so they aren’t technically plants. Therefore, we call them “flora”. The easiest solution is to use “stalks”.
Pink is a weirdly conspicuous color for it to have in this habitat. It doesn’t blend in with anything. I suppose it would sort of blend in with dried dead or dormant purpleflora, which is at least sometimes pinkish (this was decided recently), but in the rainforest, dead flora would likely not get fully dried up and turn pinkish.
The easiest solution is to make it some shade of dark ruddy-red, brown (e.g., to blend in with Barnline trunks), purple, or black (to blend in with local blackflora). Of course, you could always make it have a more complicated color pattern than a solid color of each, such as having countershading or spots.
@demon7sword, are there any updates on your entry submission? Updates are needed.
Mayith, please do add the corrections that Coolsteph, but I believe you’ve demonstrated sufficient knowledge of our rules and formatting to be allowed on the team.
@mayith Welcome to the Sagan 4 Alpha Team! Please repost your submission in the Organism Submission subforum when Gen 167 opens up
@mayith Welcome to the Sagan 4 Alpha Team! Please repost your submission in the Organism Submission subforum when Gen 167 opens up
| QUOTE (KXDino8 @ Jan 26 2023, 03:14 PM) |
 Ripper Spelunkhoe (Unguibus manibus) Creator: KXDino8 Ancestor: Dusty Spelunkhoe Habitat: Barlowe Temperate Rainforest, Barlowe Temperate Woodland Size: 70cm long Diet: Herbivore (Rainforest Carnofern, Barline, Fuzzpile, Mainland Fuzzpalm) Respiration: Lungs Thermoregulation: (Didn't say on the ancestor's page) Support: Wooden Bones Reproduction: Sexual, Two Sexes, Live Birth These fauna are more elongated than their ancestors, allowing them to slide through tunnels easily. They use their sharp beaks to pierce through flora matter and predators. Their backwards facing claws aid them in digging. They use their back feet and tails to push away dirt. They have small sails on their backs that can be raised and lowered which are used solely for display purposes. Their pinkish pattern helps to break up their shape These fauna have better vision than their ancestors and are sensitive to movement in the dark. During night they venture out of their burrows and eat any berries, vegetables, and young stalks they can find, all while one family member watches for predators. During the day they retreat to the tunnels and rest, occasionally digging around for young roots. They live in small family groups of 2-6 and mainly use their claws for breaking apart tough foods and digging. The burrows have a spiral shape which allows them to escape danger quickly. Within the burrow is one large room, in which all the family's young are raised. A family group may have multiple connected burrows or just one. Their ears have been slightly fleshed over, and their nostrils have moved up along their tail. The vestigial leaves have been completely lost. This post has been edited from the original. |
I like these additions,
For the ear, you could elaborate that the flesh cover is meant to protect the eardrum from soil and damage during digging, you could add a slit or something to suggest a fold so that it may open when not digging.
Bearded Heartead (Strutiotherium Geneioforos)
Creator: KiwiPistola15
Ancestor: Hearthead (Strutiotherium primis)
Habitat: South Darwin Plains
Size: 180cm Long / 150cm Tall
Support: Endoskeleton (Chitin)
Diet: Carnivore (Shroom Herder, Dualtrunk, Giant Hornface, Hornboss, Gruesloo, Scrubland Hornface, Grassland Lizatokage, Skewer Shrog, Boschian Paardavogel.), Scavanger.
Respiration: Active (Microlungs)
Thermoregulation: Endotherm (Feathers)
Reproduction: Sexual (Male, Female, Hard-Shelled Eggs)
The Bearded Hearthead, similar to a Jaguar, split from its ancestor and became a Carnivore. The name is given for his chain of feathers that cover parts of his head and chin, also legs. It adapted to only one environment, the South Darwin Plains. Being one of the apex predators of it, it developed new hunting systems
The head got very dense muscles around his beak, wich got big fangs now. They are used to break the neck of its prey in maximum 2 bites. It still got only eyestrills, who are used to smell and see at the same time - 12 in total. The Bearded Hearthead hunts with groups of 3, reaching for 3 possible preys, preferring to choose Shroom Herders or Giant Hornfaces. The creature runs as fast as it can, 50km/h, jumping into the prey’s neck, breaking it with its powerful bite. It got extra claws in its feet to stay gripped in its prey back or neck. After Killing it, the animal waits for the other ones of his pack to finish their hunt, and after, they bring their food to start eating together.
The creature lost some feathers by getting chunkier and bigger, but got the “beard”, wich is used to attract females in his mating season. After they reproduce, the Parents stay with their 6 newborns for 2 years, after this, they leave the mature ones alone to live their own lifes. They usually make their nests with bones, rocks and grass. When taking care of the eggs, the mother uses her feathers to make the eggs warm. When born, the babies usually eat chewed meat from their parents. They learn hunting with his father.
If needed, the larvae are carried by the mothers beard, wich has some kind of sticky pink liquid during the larvae stages of her babies, so it is easier to “walk” around it.
Like its ancestor, The Bearded Hearthead uses echolocation to hunt, but less, since they got a better vision with 12 eyestrills, being 3 of them able to see with a cat-like vision.
@KiwiPistola15:
In the template, the lines are not spaced out. Please remove the extra spaces between lines. We definitely need to change the spacing in the default template, since three members have been led astray by this.
The number and kind of errors, such as using “his” instead of “its”, capitalizing certain words for unclear reasons, and odd word choices (such as “kids” and “rough” to describe neck muscles), suggest this description was translated by a machine. If you’re not confident in your English usage skills, it’s best to start with something simple, like a “plant” (flora).
In the template, the lines are not spaced out. Please remove the extra spaces between lines. We definitely need to change the spacing in the default template, since three members have been led astray by this.
The number and kind of errors, such as using “his” instead of “its”, capitalizing certain words for unclear reasons, and odd word choices (such as “kids” and “rough” to describe neck muscles), suggest this description was translated by a machine. If you’re not confident in your English usage skills, it’s best to start with something simple, like a “plant” (flora).
Mayith,
I noticed you added Ferries to its diet. That was a good choice. There’s no rule an organism can’t eat just two local species, and in fact many real-life animals do just that, but it’s generally a good idea to list out more than two species it can eat.
You’ll need to:
*Capitalize the common name
*Remove the umlaut from the scientific name
*Capitalize “phlock” in the template
*Capitalize “lungs” in the template
*Capitalize “the sun eyed phlock”
There are others, but at this point I think you could notice them if you looked through it again.
I noticed some errors have persisted through feedback. If it’s a lot of feedback, try responding it as a checklist, rather than keeping it all in your head.
It's possible you made mistakes and didn't notice you were making them because you haven't sufficiently practiced implementing good English sentences in non-description communications. With steady practice, making good descriptions should become easier with time.
I noticed you added Ferries to its diet. That was a good choice. There’s no rule an organism can’t eat just two local species, and in fact many real-life animals do just that, but it’s generally a good idea to list out more than two species it can eat.
You’ll need to:
*Capitalize the common name
*Remove the umlaut from the scientific name
*Capitalize “phlock” in the template
*Capitalize “lungs” in the template
*Capitalize “the sun eyed phlock”
There are others, but at this point I think you could notice them if you looked through it again.
I noticed some errors have persisted through feedback. If it’s a lot of feedback, try responding it as a checklist, rather than keeping it all in your head.
It's possible you made mistakes and didn't notice you were making them because you haven't sufficiently practiced implementing good English sentences in non-description communications. With steady practice, making good descriptions should become easier with time.
KXDino8, there a few more minor details but I believe you’ve demonstrated sufficient knowledge of our rules and formatting to be allowed on the team.
@KXDino8 Welcome to the Sagan 4 Alpha Team! Please repost your submission in the Organism Submission subforum when Gen 167 opens up
@KXDino8 Welcome to the Sagan 4 Alpha Team! Please repost your submission in the Organism Submission subforum when Gen 167 opens up
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