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Can you retract this and repost it later (and not named Drakeshrog)? I'm writing up a Shrog by the same name that I've already told you about over dm that's meant to be the first shrew inland on Drake since before the snowball, and it's already nearly done and waiting on prerequisites.

This post has been edited by Disgustedorite: Mar 10 2021, 09:13 PM

QUOTE (Disgustedorite @ Mar 10 2021, 09:12 PM)

Can you retract this and repost it later (and not named Drakeshrog)? I'm writing up a Shrog by the same name that I've already told you about over dm that's meant to be the first shrew inland on Drake since before the snowball, and it's already nearly done and waiting on prerequisites.

I changed the name to "Sowshrog" but i am keeping the slot.

Great, now I have to rewrite Drakeshrog's description.

Can you include a depiction of the "stick-hoe" tool? Or is it just a stick being used as a hoe?

Will any other calls be elaborated on for this?

Also “Please sir, may I have some more?”

I really like the expression. It's like it did something and it knows you know that it's guilty of doing it.

It's nice to see the Ferine appreciation. It's also interesting to see your art with a background. The art is good: I like the pose, proportions, and variation in eye position relative to its ancestor.

Are they able to digest the seeds inside fruits? I'm particularly interested in whether they can digest Brickbark Ferine seeds. You mentioned "favorite local trees"; what makes tree species or varieties their "favorites"?

"forget about" should be "forget about it".
"Dome shaped" should be "dome-shaped".
"deforest the land they also" there should be a colon or semicolon between "land" and "they".
"planing" should be "planning".
"However what[...]natural range" It seems there are words missing here, because I can't even figure out what sort of sentence was intended.
"hands manipulation" should be "hands for manipulation" or "hands' manipulation". (I recommend the first.)
"become the flora" Did you mean "beyond"? Could you specify which flora are spread beyond their natural range?

"Be collecting seeds" That sounds like a command fused with a gerund (e.g., "running"). Can you revise that?
"have to be. A lone" The period should be a colon or a semicolon.

" the their" Their.

" vocalizations.However" There's a spacing error.

"berries. Such as "kokokoko" means" You probably meant: "berries, such as "kokokoko" for".

"ripest most unbrused fruit" There should be a comma after "ripest", and "unbrused" should be "unbruised". I have to wonder why the word "most unbruised" is used intead of "least damaged" or "least bruised".

"Their more[...]tail-axes". This section has a few run-on sentences that should be merged.

"better than their ancestor" At climbing, right? That should be specified.

"trees.Their long flexible spine" There's a spacing error. Using "their" and "spine", in the singular, suggests they collectively have only one spine.

This post has been edited by Coolsteph: Mar 11 2021, 09:34 AM

As I mentioned previously farming is pretty dangerous when it's combined with intelligence. In Beta, the is a rule that if a species can be mistaken for a person, the description must explain why it is not; I don't know if that rule has been adopted in Alpha, but it may be valuable to include a paragraph on that anyway.

This post has been edited by Disgustedorite: Mar 11 2021, 10:44 AM

QUOTE (Disgustedorite @ Mar 11 2021, 11:43 AM)

As I mentioned previously farming is pretty dangerous when it's combined with intelligence. In Beta, the is a rule that if a species can be mistaken for a person, the description must explain why it is not; I don't know if that rule has been adopted in Alpha, but it may be valuable to include a paragraph on that anyway.

What suggestions would you have?

Fixed and expanded.

I like the dog comparison.

"Like getting rewarded for doing a trick, they have developed a compulsion to bury seeds."
That doesn't really make sense. Dogs are rewarded for doing a trick within seconds, if not quicker. According to the book The Science of Consequences, humans are unusual for being able to learn from very delayed consequences. If, however, rotten matter in their nests was such a health hazard it would kill or sicken Drakeshrogs who spent too long to get rid of it, there would be evolutionary pressure for Drakeshrogs to become "conscientious" and become likely to bury rotten food.

There are still a few errors I pointed out earlier. For example, the semicolon before "deforest" is misplaced. Here's a guideguide on how to use semicolons. Colons might be easier to use, though.

"Despite all this improvement this "farming" is a step up from caching food similar to a dog burring a bone. "

But the previous sentence suggests it comes from a nest-cleaning instinct....?
"caching food similar to a dog burring [sic] a bone" suggests the abstract situation of a dog burying its bone is, itself, food. I recommend, "step up from caching food, much as a dog buries bones."

I fixed some.

Coolsteph - What about explaining it through a form of "self domestication" to where a new behavior pushes a species to do this thing and then the ones better at this new behavior survive better than those who didn't.

How would self-domestication apply here? I checked the Wikipedia article on the subject, and it doesn't seem the parallel how this one farms.

There's still the "burring" typo, as well as other typos.

I like this suggestion Coolsteph gave a lot:

QUOTE

If, however, rotten matter in their nests was such a health hazard it would kill or sicken Drakeshrogs who spent too long to get rid of it, there would be evolutionary pressure for Drakeshrogs to become "conscientious" and become likely to bury rotten food.

Since sowshrog didn't come with a co-evolving shailnitor to eat the rotten food, I think this makes a lot of sense.