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"certain occasions" What sorts of occasions? Did you mean to say "occasionally"?

"these populations giving rise" Did you mean: "these populations gave rise"?

"their face" Their faces? Its face?

"certain part" Which part?

"Eggslurping sorite's" That's sorites, plural.

"then frees up the eggslurping sorite’s arms to then move around a carpozoan’s egg." Using "then" twice in the same sentence is awkward.

" the eggslurping sorite still supplements their diet" That's a mismatch between number and pronoun.

"ancestors tongue licking" that should be: "ancestors' tongue-licking". I think it would be better described as "tongue-rasping", rather than "licking".

There are a few stray white pixels around the nose in the second image.

I like the extra artwork.

This post has been edited by Coolsteph: Apr 22 2021, 05:34 PM

QUOTE (Coolsteph @ Apr 22 2021, 08:33 PM)

"certain occasions" What sorts of occasions? Did you mean to say "occasionally"? "these populations giving rise" Did you mean: "these populations gave rise"? "their face" Their faces? Its face? "certain part" Which part? "Eggslurping sorite's" That's sorites, plural. "then frees up the eggslurping sorite’s arms to then move around a carpozoan’s egg." Using "then" twice in the same sentence is awkward. " the eggslurping sorite still supplements their diet" That's a mismatch between number and pronoun. "ancestors tongue licking" that should be: "ancestors' tongue-licking". I think it would be better described as "tongue-rasping", rather than "licking". There are a few stray white pixels around the nose in the second image. I like the extra artwork.

Made most of the grammar edits you suggested.


"'certain part' Which part?", not sure but I doubt they could fit a whole egg around their lips.

Updated the second picture. Thanks for the comment on it btw!

Instead of using "certain part", why not use "narrowest part", so it can fit its mouth around the eggs?

QUOTE (Coolsteph @ Apr 23 2021, 09:37 AM)

Instead of using "certain part", why not use "narrowest part", so it can fit its mouth around the eggs?

Made the edit!