Sorry if this one’s description doesn’t hit any of the points it should.
I may not have the time now to properly go over a genus group submission this large, but it seems sufficiently thorough.
The details listed within the template, with the possible exception of parenthetical statements in the diet, should be capitalized. The period in the reproductive method sectiio should be removed.
Judging by the specification of "when perched in an obvious position", it is unclear how many of those genus group organisms to which the description applies are actually a significant part of their diets. If they are only sporadically in obvious positions, it would make sense to put them farther in its diet list. For a diet list this long, it might be permissible to give it two sections. For example, "Cloudswarners, (When perched in obvious positions): Silkruggs, Minikruggs, [... "Hair nimbuses (non-atmospheric species, rarely)". It might also be permissible to put: "Cloudsarmers, Rarely: Silkruggs, Minikruggs, [...] Hair Nimbuses". For the latter formatting, it would make sense to specify it can only eat particular species when they are in obvious positions.
The details listed within the template, with the possible exception of parenthetical statements in the diet, should be capitalized. The period in the reproductive method sectiio should be removed.
Judging by the specification of "when perched in an obvious position", it is unclear how many of those genus group organisms to which the description applies are actually a significant part of their diets. If they are only sporadically in obvious positions, it would make sense to put them farther in its diet list. For a diet list this long, it might be permissible to give it two sections. For example, "Cloudswarners, (When perched in obvious positions): Silkruggs, Minikruggs, [... "Hair nimbuses (non-atmospheric species, rarely)". It might also be permissible to put: "Cloudsarmers, Rarely: Silkruggs, Minikruggs, [...] Hair Nimbuses". For the latter formatting, it would make sense to specify it can only eat particular species when they are in obvious positions.
| QUOTE (Disgustedorite @ Oct 23 2021, 08:31 PM) |
| Don't name it that. |
Well, there’s a reason that I ultimately didn’t. (Assuming you mean srugbugs, if there’s a problem with their current name then what is it?)
| QUOTE (Coolsteph @ Oct 23 2021, 09:36 PM) |
| How about "Sruglettes"? That also suggests they are small. |
That’s a pretty good one, guess I’ll take it. Can someone change the topic title to reflect this?
This post has been edited by Oofle: Oct 23 2021, 06:44 PM
| QUOTE (Disgustedorite @ Oct 23 2021, 10:12 PM) |
| You can change it yourself. |
How do I change it? I looked for a bit and didn’t find anything saying I could
In the upper-right corner of the first post of the topic, underneath "print this topic", there's an edit link.
I'm not sure I like, "sruglettes", it sounds too.... IDK. Too much like someone's attempt at sounding 'cute' while naming a novelty dog breed or something. I think maybe something completely novel, while still conveying the 'essence' in an abstract sense of the organisms. Something like "sriglites", "sriglins", "strigliks" etc. maybe.
The art looks fairly good. I like the variation in color patterns and fins.
There's a stray, un-filled line on the back wing of the brown Sruglette in the middle.
Increasing the contrast to reduce the distraction fo the paper texture is good. Certainly, the smudge at the bottom and the piece of the desk (?) at the upper-right should bbe removed, such as by trimming.
There's a spacing error after Silkruggs.
It would probably look better to put: "Omnivore (When perched in obvious position: Sapworms, Xenobees [...])", unless it's only Dartirs under the conditional part. "Hair Nimbuses" should be capitalized.
This seems to be almost entirely a carnivore. The Wolvershrog is listed with "carnivore" and "frugivore" separately, not as an omnivore listing meat first and fruit second. For these to match in their logic, diet rules really need to be clarified.
Remember to capitalize terms in the template.
"Descending from the cryobowler srugeing[...] This sentence needs to be modified so it's less breathless. Splitting it into two sentences or using a colon could work.
"Sruglings are a global genus[...]" this sentence needs to be split apart, and the name should be updated.
"consume prey,[...]" This sentence needs to be revised, such as by splitting it into two. That is also true for "Most species are fairly short-lived[...]" and "The biggest example[...]" and
"Almost all of these[...]". Try reading the sentences out loud to determine breathless sentences.
"eachother" (x3) Each other.
"All srugling [sic] species[...]" The parenthetical statement is so lengthy I recommend splitting it into its own sentence.
"their bristled beak" Their bristled beak.
"In summary, sruglings are the extremely generalist descendants of the cryobowler srugeing that have spread across the globe due to their ability to spawn just about anywhere, including the ocean, and the removal of the need to moisturize their lungs with water. They coexist with their ancestor due to the fact that they have lost the proteins to disable carnivorous cryobowl enzymes and the annuality of the cryobowler’s adult life."
With a slight adjustment, you could put this at the beginning as a brief summary for a long description, much as I made a brief summary for the long description for the Pollooks genus group in the Beta timeline.
There's a stray, un-filled line on the back wing of the brown Sruglette in the middle.
Increasing the contrast to reduce the distraction fo the paper texture is good. Certainly, the smudge at the bottom and the piece of the desk (?) at the upper-right should bbe removed, such as by trimming.
There's a spacing error after Silkruggs.
It would probably look better to put: "Omnivore (When perched in obvious position: Sapworms, Xenobees [...])", unless it's only Dartirs under the conditional part. "Hair Nimbuses" should be capitalized.
This seems to be almost entirely a carnivore. The Wolvershrog is listed with "carnivore" and "frugivore" separately, not as an omnivore listing meat first and fruit second. For these to match in their logic, diet rules really need to be clarified.
Remember to capitalize terms in the template.
"Descending from the cryobowler srugeing[...] This sentence needs to be modified so it's less breathless. Splitting it into two sentences or using a colon could work.
"Sruglings are a global genus[...]" this sentence needs to be split apart, and the name should be updated.
"consume prey,[...]" This sentence needs to be revised, such as by splitting it into two. That is also true for "Most species are fairly short-lived[...]" and "The biggest example[...]" and
"Almost all of these[...]". Try reading the sentences out loud to determine breathless sentences.
"eachother" (x3) Each other.
"All srugling [sic] species[...]" The parenthetical statement is so lengthy I recommend splitting it into its own sentence.
"their bristled beak" Their bristled beak.
"In summary, sruglings are the extremely generalist descendants of the cryobowler srugeing that have spread across the globe due to their ability to spawn just about anywhere, including the ocean, and the removal of the need to moisturize their lungs with water. They coexist with their ancestor due to the fact that they have lost the proteins to disable carnivorous cryobowl enzymes and the annuality of the cryobowler’s adult life."
With a slight adjustment, you could put this at the beginning as a brief summary for a long description, much as I made a brief summary for the long description for the Pollooks genus group in the Beta timeline.
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